Going Home

Saying good-bye is always the hardest, but it’s even more difficult when you’ve met a group of bright and wonderful people. Over the last four months, I have been given the opportunity to create unforgettable memories with an exceptional group of people. Unfortunately, in a few weeks all that will be left are these memories. The reality of us keeping in touch are very low given all of our busy lives and the possibility of us ever seeing one another again are even slimmer. I mean we will try to keep in contact via email but in reality we’ll be lucky to receive random facebook postings. I don’t want to be negative and I am sure people will be able to keep in contact, but this is what I have experienced in the past. Regardless, I know that meeting these people will not have been in vain because I have gained and learned so much in the last four months that I will continue to use in my life back home. I have learned so important life lessons such as allowing others to help you when you need it and always assume positive intent in people because they are genuinely good people in the world. Vietnam surely has been an entirely different world, one that I was not use to, but in my four months I was able to grow and adapt and learn things about myself I would have not otherwise discovered and for that I am truly grateful.

When I arrived in Vietnam, I was frightened and scared of the “dangerous and lawless” land I was about to encountered. I was warned by family and friends to always be on alert for fear someone would either rob me or rip me off. I was an American so I was a target and all people wanted to do was to exploit me. However, I soon discovered that the things everyone told me were completely wrong. Sure, the traffic in Hanoi is dangerous and crossing the street means risking your life. Sometimes eating the food means risking your well-being and sometimes avoiding the toilet is impossible. The streets are not clean and the pollution feels like it could give you lung cancer. However, in spite of all the flaws, Vietnam has been very good to me. It has taught me how to constantly adapt and adjust in order to survive. Further, people have good intentions and if you need help, ask for it, and you shall receive. While back home I would be hesitant to ask for directions back home, I have learn to ask for it frequently. Also, when I was down and was in need of help people are always too willing to come to my side and help. For example, when I was sick many people would offer to take me to see a doctor or go help buy medicine for me. I had one friend who I did not really know come check on me and bought me milk and tea to drink, knowing I had difficulty eating. Vietnam has reminded me about the goodness of mankind and while we are all trying to survive in this world, offering one another a helping hand surely makes living easier.

I will never forget Vietnam because it essentially gave me my first relationship and with such an amazing girl. She thought me what it is like to care about another more than you care for yourself and sometimes putting that other individual before you. I questioned in the past what the point of relationships were but now I realize what it means. You have a special someone who you can share your experiences with, a special someone who is there for you through the ups and the downs, and someone who is there with you to overcome the difficulties in life. Our time together has been, in my eyes, incredibly short but nevertheless rewarding and amazing. I cherish all the times we have and knowing that our time together is short I can only hope one day I get to see her again. For these reasons, a part of my heart will always stay in Vietnam. My mother’s land and the land that gave me so many unforgettable memories. Tôi yêu Việt Nam!!!

Leaving so soon?

The children of Xa Me are aware that we cannot stay here forever and while they have grown accustomed to our bi-weekly visits, they know that that too must come to an end. So what is the best way to go about expressing a very sad and depressing reality. My mother had always told me to be very upfront and direct and hope for the best. These few months with the children at Xa Me has been an absolutely amazing experience, one that I will always remember. From what I can tell the children have also appreciated our presence and we both wish this relationship would not end.

So we told the children that we have two weeks left with them and I scanned the room, I could honestly see the sadness in the children’s eyes and it simply broke my heart. We all knew it would come to an end but no one would have guessed the end would come so soon. There’s still so much I want them to know and so many things I wish to share with them. There are so much potential in all the children. One boy Doan who helps the younger children draw pictures for school has the potential to be an amazing artist. I wish I could convey to him and further help aid him on a career towards art. I have taken time to talk with him and he’s one of the more well-behaved kids willing to help the younger one. Nevertheless, there is so much I want to teach the children. For example, I have been helping a girl name Ziep with her English homework and I have seen great progress. It’s the simple things that always touch me. Now she is able to distinguish the use of “do” and “does” with singular and plural subjects, which for me is exciting. It has become a routine for us that every Tuesday and Thursday when I come, we will sit down for a half an hour and work on the English homework and just talk. I also feel that I have taught the children to be more conscious of their actions, particularly the fighting. I have told the boys repeatedly that “boys cannot hit girls” and I think it has sunk into the minds of some of the boys. Naturally, there is still the occasional fighting but I it has decreased somewhat. This was a serious issue before because of the severity of the fighting but now it is not such a problem.

There is only two weeks left and as much as we try to deny it the end is coming soon. I want to take this time to reflect on the relationship between myself and the children. In the beginning we were warn that we should refrain from developing an emotional bond to the children because of the inevitable end results. The relationship between the children and ourselves should be only surface level, however, I soon realize that this was not possible. As I have mentioned in previous posts, these children remind me so much of my cousins back home and with 24 of them it matches the number of cousins I have. As a result, my relationship with the children of Xa Me in many ways imitate the relationships I have with my cousins. Starting with the obvious, there are certain children that I do like and prefer over the others and I spend more time with them, not to say that I don’t make an effort to spend time with all the children. This is also the same for the children, where some will prefer to hang out with Kristine or Emily instead of me, but we still interact. Also, in regards to fighting I am not so shocked or annoyed by it as the others because I see it among my cousins all the time. They’ll poke fun at one another and engage in playful fighting, but seldom will things get serious. While I don’t condone this kind of behavior, its something that I have grown up with and therefore, I guess I’m more accustomed to than the others. The behavior of the children remind me a lot of my cousins back home and as a result I have grown very fond and attached to them and vice versa. I can say that I genuinely care for these children and I want the best for them. I know my time here is short but I want them to continue to strive and do well in life. What is the best way to ease the pain when I have to go home for both sides of the party? I honestly don’t have an answer to that besides giving it time. I think the months we have spent with the children have definitely made an impact on them and I hope that they will go on to do significant things.

Group Work

The way I work is pretty unconventional and so I have a tendency to work alone and as with most, I feel I work more efficiently alone. However, there are times when working alone becomes overwhelming and having a group support is much better. While working alone have its definite benefits, so too does working in groups. The workload can be distributed accordingly and each member assumes a role that he or she becomes responsible for. In its ideal form, working in a group is much easier than working alone because more work can be done and can be done efficiently. For our “Kiem An” Project, we were put into several smaller groups to get the work done and for the most part I believe that it went quite well. All of our deadlines were met and the quality of our work was good. We distributed the work among ourselves and for the most part we all did about equal amount of works. However, with every group, I have experienced that there is always at least one individual who can be described as the “weakest link.” This individual does very little or no work at all and relies heavily on the contributions of others.

For my group in particular, overall we did pretty well and the work was distributed equally, with the exception of one which I will discuss later. Initially, we interviewed our first two occupations in larger numbers which actually turned out to be less efficient. There would be three or four of us interviewing which I felt intimidated the interviewee and make him/her feel uncomfortable, which in turn affected the answers we were given. After that initial trial and error phase we were able to refine our approach and so naturally our team divided into two smaller teams of two. However, bear in mind we have five members total in our group. Working in teams of two for the interview, we were able to get more out of the interviewee and the conversation was very casual. The transcribing and translating was done according to the group as well, however, group members of another group would assist as well. Everyone would try to attribute to the editing and proofreading of the work.

As previously mentioned, the group work was not without problems. The one individual in particular did very little to contribute in the beginning. In fact, this individual did not go to any interviews nor assist in any transcribing, translation, or proofreading of the work. While many of the group members were angered by this, we passed it off because we knew that this lack of work and effort would reflect in the grade this individual received. However, as soon as it was reiterated in class that part of the grade would be based upon peer evaluation of the group work, there was a miraculous turnaround in this individual and this person wanted to do all the work and for a lack of a better term “kiss everyone’s ass.” For the last couple interviews, this individual made an effort to be at every interview and do all the transcribing and translating. While I applaud the individual’s effort, my response is: too little too late. What infuriates me more is the fact that I have confronted this individual and this person did not deny it. My peer evaluation will take into consideration the work she has done now, but it will definitely reflect the lack of work done at the beginning. With that said, beside the bad apple, working with this group has been a fun and rewarding experience. We helped each other even though we were divided into smaller groups and the communication was for the most part open and direct. As a result, we got much of the work done and done well.

Fundraising Efforts

It has been a fun-filled and effective week of fundraising for our upcoming Nghe An trip to the North to donate coats for the children. Although, we had to significantly adjust our original plans I would have to it has been an overall success due to the collective efforts of the UCHANU group. Further, I feel it has tremendously helped us become more integrated into the Hanu University campus by making the students aware of our presence and our willingness to volunteer and help. In retrospect, “if we would have known back then what we know now” we would have started these fundraising and made efforts to be a part of Hanu in the beginning.

There was a lot of enthusiasm in the beginning as we prepared for our less than two week intensive fundraising campaign. The goal was $1,500 and while the numbers raised are unavailable, it has been wonderfully successful. In addition to setting up an information booth to make the Hanu students aware and presenting our cause in the classrooms, we were able to sell food and beverages and put on a “High Roller” Casino Night to raise money and celebrate all of our work. Of course, the fundraising efforts were not without some problems. At onset of the fundraiser, many people were very vocal about doing this and that and were very adamant about their inputs. While that is perfectly fine, when push came to shove and action was required, suddenly these voices vanished and only a select group of people really put in work to make this fundraiser successful. I shouldn’t be surprise because this is normally the case but its definitely important that we address it. In particular, the “High Roller” casino night, which should had the most volunteers had less than 10 people helping. There was a great deal of work to do be done that included, transferring tables and chairs from the classrooms to the roof, purchasing material, decorations, and setting everything up. At the end of the day, we were completely exhausted. I am not using this complain or nag, but simply to state what many people have overlooked. People are always inclined to voice their opinion but normally the loudest voice has the weakest conviction and follow through. Nevertheless, the fundraising was very successful and for those who helped I thank you tremendously.

Xa Me vs Street Kids

The trip to the South unexpectedly provided me with a very eye opening reality in regards to Xa Me. While I expected to have fun and not worry about the responsibilities back home in Hanoi, I couldn’t help but thing about Xa Me and the children there. In my previous blogs, I have harshly criticized the organization for its lack of structure among many things but after the Southern trip things have changed slightly. The truth of the matter is that while the conditions at Xa Me are not ideal by an stretch of the imagination, it is nevertheless an organization that provides these children with the basic essential necessities, i.e. shelter, food, and the opportunity of education. For Vietnam and given the situation these children are in with their families being able to provide for them, Xa Me is very important and I am coming to realize that point.

Often times while in the Old Quarters, I am approached by a young child no more than 10 years old asking me to purchase chewing gums or other small items. Of course it is extremely difficult not to feel sympathetic and one’s natural course of action is to purchase whatever the child is selling because the cost is miniscule. For me in particular, I am reminded of my children at Xa Me and how without a place to stay life would be extremely difficult. However, often times when I am with Hanu or other Vietnamese they warn me against purchasing anything. They say that you will only attract more children and you simply can’t help them all. In the South, the prevalence of these “street children” increased significantly and they seem to roam the street offering you lottery tickets. While being constantly bombarded by children in the South, I began to see Xa Me in a slightly more positive life and the conditions did not seem so bad anymore. The most important thing is that my children at Xa Me do not have to endure the struggles and hardship of “street children” which would most likely be there reality if not for a Xa Me. In this train of thoughts, I catch myself viewing the situation with Xa Me from a very American perspective rather than one that is more applicable and local. I feel that I hold Xa Me to a very American standard way of living where the facilities should be better, the care more adequate, or even the meals more diverse. In this perspective, of course things will not seem as adequate as it should, but with something to now juxtapose it with, things change dramatically. The children who are forced to wander the streets begging the strangers to buy their goods always seem exhausted and the youthful naivety and joy that they ought to have has been replaced. Many of these children know much about the harshness of life at such a young age, which is never good. They know what it is like to have to not have sufficient food and are constantly worrying about where their next meal is going to be. At least at Xa Me, the children are provided with food and while the quality and variety is not particularly impressive, it is more than the street children have.

The children at Xa Me also have the opportunity to go to school and have an education which is very significant in social mobility and improving living standards. From what I can tell, the street children work nearly all day tirelessly wandering the streets. At Xa Me, the children go to school everyday and even have a special tutor that comes during the week to help. Many of the children also really like school and seizes the opportunity they have. I was particularly excited this week when some of the children bragged to me about their high scores in school. Further, when children tease each other about receiving low marks, the targeted child becomes pretty defensive and angry. In reality, the opportunity to go to school and not having to work is a luxury in Vietnam.

Down South

The highly anticipated Southern trip certainly did not disappoint by any standards. Despite staying primarily in the center of Saigon in the richer/upper-class section of District 1, I felt as though I belonged here and more comfortable with the environment and especially the people. It was not that the food was familiarly delicious or the people seem to speak in a way I could finally understand on the first try, but it was more about the feel of the place and ties I knew my family had here. Indeed, we had a splendid time going out and enjoying the lovely dishes, but the trip to the South for me was more about learning things and experiencing things that my family once did in an effort to try to understand. I think this notion is very applicable to my fellow peers as well especially for those who had the opportunity to visit family and relatives that were in the South. Observing their excitement and hearing their stories about what went on during their visits gave me a warm and pleasant feeling and honestly a bit of envy. I do have family in the South but I am not quite sure where exactly and I was not encouraged by my family to look for them. I was told that when Vietnamese Americans are labeled as being very rich and therefore should be ready to present relatives with money. However, from what I have seen, this is certainly not the case as I have seen many peers given large amounts of gift and never have to worry about expenses because their families were more than generous. I was lucky enough to be invited to Mindy’s uncle’s restaurant and the generosity was amazing. This has compelled me to seek out my own gia đình and see what experiences lies in store for me.