Leaving so soon?

The children of Xa Me are aware that we cannot stay here forever and while they have grown accustomed to our bi-weekly visits, they know that that too must come to an end. So what is the best way to go about expressing a very sad and depressing reality. My mother had always told me to be very upfront and direct and hope for the best. These few months with the children at Xa Me has been an absolutely amazing experience, one that I will always remember. From what I can tell the children have also appreciated our presence and we both wish this relationship would not end.

So we told the children that we have two weeks left with them and I scanned the room, I could honestly see the sadness in the children’s eyes and it simply broke my heart. We all knew it would come to an end but no one would have guessed the end would come so soon. There’s still so much I want them to know and so many things I wish to share with them. There are so much potential in all the children. One boy Doan who helps the younger children draw pictures for school has the potential to be an amazing artist. I wish I could convey to him and further help aid him on a career towards art. I have taken time to talk with him and he’s one of the more well-behaved kids willing to help the younger one. Nevertheless, there is so much I want to teach the children. For example, I have been helping a girl name Ziep with her English homework and I have seen great progress. It’s the simple things that always touch me. Now she is able to distinguish the use of “do” and “does” with singular and plural subjects, which for me is exciting. It has become a routine for us that every Tuesday and Thursday when I come, we will sit down for a half an hour and work on the English homework and just talk. I also feel that I have taught the children to be more conscious of their actions, particularly the fighting. I have told the boys repeatedly that “boys cannot hit girls” and I think it has sunk into the minds of some of the boys. Naturally, there is still the occasional fighting but I it has decreased somewhat. This was a serious issue before because of the severity of the fighting but now it is not such a problem.

There is only two weeks left and as much as we try to deny it the end is coming soon. I want to take this time to reflect on the relationship between myself and the children. In the beginning we were warn that we should refrain from developing an emotional bond to the children because of the inevitable end results. The relationship between the children and ourselves should be only surface level, however, I soon realize that this was not possible. As I have mentioned in previous posts, these children remind me so much of my cousins back home and with 24 of them it matches the number of cousins I have. As a result, my relationship with the children of Xa Me in many ways imitate the relationships I have with my cousins. Starting with the obvious, there are certain children that I do like and prefer over the others and I spend more time with them, not to say that I don’t make an effort to spend time with all the children. This is also the same for the children, where some will prefer to hang out with Kristine or Emily instead of me, but we still interact. Also, in regards to fighting I am not so shocked or annoyed by it as the others because I see it among my cousins all the time. They’ll poke fun at one another and engage in playful fighting, but seldom will things get serious. While I don’t condone this kind of behavior, its something that I have grown up with and therefore, I guess I’m more accustomed to than the others. The behavior of the children remind me a lot of my cousins back home and as a result I have grown very fond and attached to them and vice versa. I can say that I genuinely care for these children and I want the best for them. I know my time here is short but I want them to continue to strive and do well in life. What is the best way to ease the pain when I have to go home for both sides of the party? I honestly don’t have an answer to that besides giving it time. I think the months we have spent with the children have definitely made an impact on them and I hope that they will go on to do significant things.