Include All

The issues of exclusion and inclusion are very applicable and significant when it comes to Xa Me. While ideally, we would like everyone to participate and we do try to include everyone, this is never the case because of many reasons. Obviously age plays a factor and with so many children ranging from six years old all the way up to eighteen, it is not possible to find an activity to capture everyone’s interest and keep them involved. Another factor seems to circulate around this issue of gender and how the boys and girls can only play harmoniously when they are segregated from one another. The reality is boys and girls are more comfortable playing with the same sex and infrequently will play with the other. In the incidences that they do interact, the results are often negative, ending in name calling or physical conflicts. Finally, there are just some children who like to keep to themselves and I’ve noticed a few that have this tendency.

The eldest boy rarely hangs out and interacts with us, due in large part to his age, however, when we do make an effort to sit down and speak to him he’s generally very open with us. For me, I feel that due to my lack of Vietnamese there is only so much to talk to him about and it creates a barrier between myself and him. I have made concentrated efforts to sit down and talk to him but often times it was brief because of the limited amount of things that can be said. This has led to his exclusion due to my inability to communicate and include him. Nevertheless, I will continue to try and communicate with him and one possible solution is to have either Kristine or Thuy Linh help. Unfortunately, this could make him intimidated or ruin the dynamics by having a conversation with a girl. For example, I recall talking with him and some of the older boys about girls and how in America people generally find tan skin more attracted. He said he preferred girls with whiter skin because they are more beautiful and because it means their family has money. Kristine and Emily was also there and when one of the boys ask who was prettier between the two, it seems that he become somewhat embarrassed and from that point became more reserved. While I can easily ignore this and keep this boy excluded, it is really important for me to talk to him because at eighteen, it is a very important time in his life. I have a younger brother his age and to me I guess naturally I want to play that older brother role, but at the same time I know I am not and I do not want to force him or put him in uncomfortable situations.
With the issue of exclusion and inclusion in regards to gender, the difficult thing here is how to find ways in which to include the boys and girls and have them interacting with one another in a peaceful and efficient manner. Unfortunately, the boys will generally keep to themselves and the girls as well and even when they come together to play games, the boys will often be on one team and the girls on another. While I understand this has a lot to do with it being the tendencies of children to segregate by gender and perhaps in some way a culture thing, I think it’s important for both girls and boys to get along especially since them live with one another. The physical and verbal attacks definitely take a toll on the kids, especially those who are targeted most often. We have tried to alleviate the tension and create harmony with the two by for example, I say that boys should not hit girls and we intervene when fights break out, but the progress has definitely been slow. Perhaps nothing will ever change but if we can lessen the “brutality” then I think we would have definitely succeeded.

While I can’t speak for the other members of the group, I am not satisfied with simply helping a few kids and making an impact on them. I have tried to go over it in my mind, however, personally, if I can’t help every kid in one way or another I know I will feel as though I have failed. I know that doing so will be very difficult and perhaps not feasible at all, but it is something I think about a lot when I reflect on my experiences at Xa Me. Why couldn’t I help this kid, why didn’t I try harder to get him/her involved, or what can I do to include this kid? These are all questions that race in my mind when I think about exclusion and inclusion.