Invading Space

The kids are confined to the house and while some do sneak out at night, they are very limited to public spaces. Sometimes they are taken on field trips but I believe this is an infrequent occurrence, which often times make them very restless. In my opinion, this is the main reason why they are often verbally and physically attacking each other. This is very common among many children who have very few outlets to express themselves and utilize their energy, so I don’t really blame them. The only thing inside the house to occupy the children is a television, a small game room with a foosball and ping pong table, and some old playing card. Further, the lack of private spaces particularly for the older children, augments to the fighting and bullying. I couldn’t imagine being able to live with 20+ other children in a limited space. For me personally, it’s very difficult to imagine this and often times when I see 10 kids trying to fit on one bed, it really saddens and bothers me. The conditions are very bad and its hard to place myself in their perspective. Growing up I shared a room with my brother until the age of 14 and sharing a room with one other person was already difficult enough. The relationship that the children have with one another is in many ways similar to the one I shared with my own brother. We were constantly bickering, fighting, and at each other’s neck. Looking back on it, I can say that it was due in large part to the limited space we had to share and being unable to have our own private space. One could never be alone and the other always knew what the other was up to. Also, growing up I would hear stories from my mother who had nine brothers and sisters and they would often have to share one bedroom in very cramp spaces. At the time and still now, it’s hard for me to understand or even imagine what it would be like. While I understand that it is certainly better than living on the streets, I can’t deny that it’s a very difficult and uncomfortable situation to live in and seeing that bothers me sometimes.

In terms of the physical space, most children seem to disregard what we typically refer to as a person’s “personal space.” I want to analyze this in two components, in relation to the children and in relation to myself. First, they are constantly in each other’s face with verbal barrages and physically attacking one another on a daily basis. Again, as I previously mentioned, this is due in large part to the fact that they don’t have their own personal space and are forced to share. In my opinion, what makes this situation worse is the fact that these children, from what I can see, was never really taught the idea of respecting someone’s personal space. As a result, I hear many of the children complain about the other kids going through their personal items and sometimes I hear about thefts. One cannot and I personally do not put the blame solely on the children not because they don’t know better, but because they tight and closed-off environment they are in forces them constantly be near one another. I will see boys go through the drawers of the girls or the girls screaming in the faces of the boy. It is important to note that the physical and verbal attacks come from both the boys and the girls. While one may be quick to assume that the boys are solely responsible for the physical abuse or the girls tease one another, from my observation, it is nearly equal among both the boys and the girls.

When I am there, both the girls and boys love are constantly all over me, whether it’s tickling from the girls, “boxing” from the guys, or horsey-back rides for both. For me, growing up with many cousins, this is not such a big problem, however, I know that for the other volunteers, this can often times be a problem because they are not use to it and it makes them really uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the children are unable to pick up on the cues and will persist and even when we tell them to stop they will sometimes continue. Again, I cannot blame the children for this because they were never taught the idea of personal space and being in such a tight closed environment, perhaps the rules change or perhaps it’s a culture thing. I have observed that the Vietnamese culture, particularly among the same sex and of younger people, people seem to be much more intimate and touchy-feely. While as Americans, in our culture it is more appropriate to keep our distance, maybe we interpret the behavior as the children as not normal but in fact is normal in the context of the Vietnamese culture. I have notice that boys and girls of even college age still have the tendency to playfully hit one another or tease each other frequently. Subsequently, the idea of public, private, and personal physical spaces are different from my own views and I must take it upon myself to recognize it and view the children’s behaviors and actions in a different context. I think this is a great realization and will be very useful in the future.